You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She bit a glass in half.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
