I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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