If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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