i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
