after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
