He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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