Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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