Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
