so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
