We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
