I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
