The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
