I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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