did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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