Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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