We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
