k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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