my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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