I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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