I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
