having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
