Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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