There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can I color on your dick again?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
