my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
