you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
