It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
