Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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