as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Randomize
