we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
