I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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