I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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