you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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