Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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