i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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