The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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