I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
