When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We were destined to go to rehab together
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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