there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
