You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
