Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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