Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
