can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My vagina is officially offended.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
