i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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