Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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