Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
