eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
