people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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