her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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