Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
