i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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