you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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