69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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