I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
