I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
