We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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