I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
