Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
