Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
