i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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