I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
