I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
