Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
