I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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