At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
