I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
