the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
