And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
