i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
