Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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