Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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