ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
